How Therapy Rebuilds Self-Esteem and Confidence
Author – Jessica Budhwani, Child Psychologist
If we talk about self-esteem, it simply means “feeling good about ourselves.” Sometimes, some children do not feel very good about themselves. They may feel that they are not good at performing certain tasks and slowly start feeling low and incapable. This can be referred to as having low self-esteem.
On the other hand, when children feel confident and proud of themselves, and believe that they are able to complete tasks on their own, it means having high self-esteem. In simple terms, if self-esteem is measured on a scale from 1–10 based on how we see ourselves, then 1 would depict low self-esteem and 10 would depict high self-esteem.
Self-esteem starts developing from a very young age. The way children are spoken to, treated and encouraged slowly shapes the way they start seeing themselves. A child who feels supported and appreciated usually develops confidence more easily, while a child who constantly feels criticized or compared may slowly stop believing in themselves.
One important thing to remember is that self-esteem can improve. A child who feels like a “1” today can slowly move towards a “5” and even a “10” with the right support, encouragement and professional help. This is why understanding how to improve self-esteem in children becomes extremely important for parents, teachers and caregivers.
What is the Impact of Lack of Self-Esteem?
If a child experiences a lack of self-esteem, it can affect their overall well-being and growth.
Let us understand some of its effects:
- Avoidance of Tasks
A child who feels that they are not capable of doing things correctly may start avoiding tasks. They may develop a fear of criticism and feel that the task is too difficult for them, which makes them avoid trying altogether.
Sometimes children may refuse to participate in class activities, competitions or even simple games because they are scared of failing. Adults may think the child is being lazy or stubborn, but many times the child is simply afraid of feeling embarrassed or judged.
- Low Self-Confidence
Self-esteem is directly related to self-confidence. When children feel they are not capable enough to do something, they may become shy, timid and under-confident.
They may stop answering questions in class, avoid speaking in front of others or hesitate before trying anything new because they already believe they might fail.
- Peer Rejection
Due to difficulty in performing certain tasks or interacting confidently, children may struggle to make friends. Over time, they may start feeling lonely and socially withdrawn.
Some children may also feel left out when they compare themselves with other children who seem more confident, outgoing or talented.
- Seeking Approval
Children who do not feel good about themselves often seek constant approval from parents, teachers, friends and others around them.
They depend on others to make them feel valued. They may repeatedly ask questions like, “Did I do it right?” or “Are you upset with me?” because they constantly need reassurance.
- Procrastination
Children with low self-esteem may delay doing tasks because they fear making mistakes. They keep waiting for the “perfect time” or “perfect mood” to begin something.
Deep inside, many children fear that if they try and fail, others may judge them or stop appreciating them.
When children continuously experience these feelings, it can affect not only their emotional health but also their academic performance, relationships and daily functioning.
What is Self-Esteem Counseling?
Research shows that self-esteem counseling and therapy can help improve self-esteem in children. Therapy provides a safe and non-judgmental space where children can express themselves freely and understand the root cause of their feelings. Hear From Our Experts
The reasons behind low self-esteem can be different for every child. Some common reasons include:
- Critical Immediate Environment
If parents, teachers or siblings constantly use negative statements such as “You cannot do it” or “You are good for nothing,” the child slowly starts believing those words.
Young children often see themselves through the eyes of the people around them.
- Poor Academic Performance
In many Indian households, academic performance is directly connected with a child’s worth.
When children struggle in studies, they may start feeling like they are “not good enough,” which affects their self-confidence and self-esteem.
- Body Image Concerns
If children receive negative comments about their appearance, such as “You are too fat” or “You are too dark,” they may start internalizing those comments and develop low self-esteem related to their body image.
- Social Incompetence
Children constantly compare themselves with others at school. They may feel they do not have enough friends or skills like others around them, which can lower their confidence.
- Physical Ability
Some children may feel upset because they are unable to perform certain physical activities as well as others, which can also affect their self-esteem. Therapy for children does not always look like sitting and talking. Child psychologists use play, drawing, storytelling, games and different activities to help children express emotions that they may not be able to explain in words.
Through these activities, therapists slowly help children feel safe, understood and accepted.
It is also believed that when children feel emotionally safe, they become more open to learning new coping skills and building confidence.
Self-esteem counseling helps children understand that making mistakes does not make them “bad” or “less capable.” Instead, they slowly learn that mistakes are a part of learning and growing.
How Does Self-Confidence Therapy Work?
Since self-esteem and self-confidence go hand-in-hand, therapy can help improve both by making children feel better about themselves.
Let us look at some ways in which self-confidence therapy helps children:
- Helping Them Identify Their Strengths
Children often become so focused on what they cannot do that they forget their strengths.
Therapy helps them recognize the things they are good at. For example, a child who struggles academically may still be very creative, caring, artistic or good at sports.
Therapy helps children understand that their worth is not decided by only one area of life.
- Praising Their Efforts
During therapy, children are appreciated for their efforts and progress. This helps them slowly start believing in themselves again. Sometimes children are so used to hearing criticism that even small appreciation can make a huge emotional difference for them.
- Psychoeducating Parents
One of the most important parts of therapy is working with parents along with the child. Sometimes, parents may unintentionally say or do things that hurt the child’s confidence. Psychoeducation helps parents understand healthier ways of supporting their child. It also teaches them the importance of encouragement, emotional validation and positive communication.
- Helping Them Set Goals
Children with low self-esteem often feel confused and lost. Therapy helps them set small and achievable goals, giving them a sense of direction and purpose.
Achieving even one small goal can make children feel more confident in their abilities.
- Rewarding Little Wins
Therapists often use SMART goals, which means goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.
Even small achievements are appreciated and rewarded, which motivates children and builds confidence.
Rewarding little efforts teaches children that progress matters more than perfection.
- Using Affirmations
Some days, children simply need kind and encouraging words. Saying positive affirmations in front of the mirror, such as “I am trying my best” or “I am capable,” can also be very therapeutic. Over time, children slowly replace negative thoughts like “I cannot do anything” with healthier thoughts like “I can try again” or “I am learning.” Therapy also helps children understand their emotions better and gives them healthy ways to express and manage them.
Building Confidence and Self-Esteem
Children who feel good about themselves have the confidence to try new things. They are not afraid of making mistakes and are able to feel proud of their efforts. Building confidence and self-esteem does not happen in one day. It slowly develops through everyday experiences, support and encouragement from the people around them. Children need adults who make them feel heard, valued and accepted.
Even small things like appreciating their efforts, listening to their feelings, allowing them to make choices and encouraging them after failure can help improve self-esteem in children. Building confidence at home can happen through very small daily actions. Allowing children to make age-appropriate choices, encouraging independence and appreciating effort instead of only results can help children feel more capable and responsible.
Comparing children with siblings, classmates or cousins can negatively affect their self-esteem. Every child grows at their own pace and has different strengths, struggles and abilities. Children need support, patience and encouragement rather than constant comparison.
Therapy also plays an important role in building confidence and self-esteem because it gives children a safe space where they can express themselves without the fear of being judged.
Through different activities, conversations and therapeutic techniques, children slowly start believing in themselves again.
Self-Esteem Bucket Technique
In this activity, children are asked to imagine that everyone has an invisible bucket inside them. This bucket carries all the good feelings they have about themselves. Whenever someone appreciates them, encourages them, spends time with them or says kind words to them, their bucket starts filling up. However, when children are constantly criticized, compared, ignored or made to feel “not good enough,” their bucket slowly starts becoming empty.
During therapy, children are encouraged to fill their own bucket by writing or speaking about:
- Things they like about themselves
- Their strengths and talents
- Good things others have said about them
- Achievements they feel proud of
- Kind things they have done for others
Sometimes therapists also ask parents, teachers or friends to add positive notes inside the child’s “bucket.”
This helps the child slowly start seeing themselves in a more positive way and reminds them that they are cared for and valued by the people around them. The main aim of this activity is to help children understand that their worth is not decided by marks, looks or comparison with others. Every child has something special about them and sometimes they simply need support in seeing it themselves.
Conclusion
Children with low self-esteem often struggle silently. They may appear stubborn, shy, angry or uninterested from the outside, but deep inside they may simply be feeling “not good enough.” This is why early support, understanding and therapy can make a huge difference in their emotional growth.
With the right guidance, encouragement and self-confidence therapy, children can slowly learn to trust themselves again. They can improve self-esteem, become more confident and start believing in their own abilities. Sometimes, all a child really needs is one safe person who reminds them:
“You are capable, you are valued and you are enough.”
